Last night I got a call from a good friend of mine whom I hadn’t heard from in a bit. It was a super quick call (less than 2 minutes long) but she wanted me to know she’d be in touch (properly) soon.
Most of the conversation was her talking and me laughing loudly over her talking, because she knew me well enough to know that I was sulking at her non-communication. This call was a testament to how great a friend she is. You see, she knew she didn’t have to reach out but she did it anyway because she knew I’d appreciate it.
It’s only when I hung up that I realized that if we hadn’t had a Courageous Conversation, this time last year, we probably wouldn’t still be friends today…
Like most fall-outs, this one was one involved some words being said, but mostly it involved a lot of words that were left unsaid between the two of us.
My former self would have left it at that, walked away and played the victim. My former self would have been unable to see beyond my own feelings of hurt and anger and throw an almost decade-long relationship away. Heck, my former self would have stewed in silence and actively fed the bitterness brewing within for me.
And for two long months, that’s just what my former self did.
Thankfully during that time my spirit just wouldn’t settle. Yes, I was upset and angry with my friend but not talking to her was making me feel worse. Also, it was time to also address the fact that as much as I wanted to play the victim in this situation, I was as much to blame for the fall-out.
You see, the first Courageous Conversation I had to have in this instance was with myself. I had to acknowledge my responsibility in the demise of our relationship and then I had to reach out and end the silence despite everything in me wanting to take the ostrich approach and pretend that ish would resolve itself without my active involvement. Hah!
Was it easy? Nope. Was it worth it? Yebo yes! It’s worth mentioning that Courageous Conversations don’t happen within the realm of your comfort zone and that’s the crux of it, really. When a relationship is worth it – be it romantic, platonic or spiritual – you will put in the work and make an effort to make things right…even if that involves strained conversations and awkwardly worded emails.
Since then I’ve had quite a few Courageous Conversations, ones I’ve initiated and one’s I’ve been invited to. Some that have been verbal and others over email. The golden thread of commonality among them all is that they’ve all been worth it, provided much needed clarity and strengthened these relationships.
So if you’ve been putting off having a long overdue chat with a friend, a partner, a relative, a work colleague, God or yourself; I encourage you to take the plunge and see where it takes you. You won’t be disappointed 😉
Courage, chickens!
V x
VimfromZim 